Not Everyone Deserves a Trophy 🏆
“Trust, being brave is a challenge. If every soldier was brave, there'd be no word for vaIor“ - Talib Kweli
Let me start by saying I’m not a believer in participation trophies. I don’t believe we all deserve a reward just for showing up. That‘s the minimum requirement and mediocrity should NEVER be rewarded.
The average players never make MVP. The average soldiers don’t become SEALS and Rangers or receive medals of honor. And the average workers don’t become successful entrepreneurs and executives. And that’s ok. The world needs all types of people to function.
But let’s be clear there’s a marked difference between those who enjoy their work and thrive there, and those who LIVE for their passion. The ones who put in the 10,000 hours to become an expert in their field. The ones who not only show up every day, but work tirelessly to achieve something great. The Outliers.
I bring this up because of a conversation I just had with a friend. She overheard me talking about someone I met recently, referring to this person as special. My girlfriend made a point of naming other people we knew, noting how they were special too. It made me think of participation trophies, or how a mother sees the unique qualities in their child, or how we appreciate the different characteristics of various friends. Sure, we’re ALL special. I wholeheartedly believe that. I think we all have something different we bring to the table. The reality, however, is that some bring more and bring it harder. It made me think of three books I read this past year, and recommend you check out...
In the first book it brought to mind, Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, he explores the variables that contribute to high achieving individuals, going into the obvious factors such as grit and opportunity, then beyond by exploring things such as cultural legacies. For instance, you ever wonder why Asians are statistically way better at math? It’s not an innate, genetic ability. It’s because their languages with shorter syllables lend to quicker counting and their counting methods are more logical than our English versions. They’re also raised to believe their success directly correlates with their effort, whereas American parents tend to foster innate ability. For the record, I had one of each of said parents and I’ve gotta agree. Gladwell explains how the socioeconomic class you were born into also determines environmental factors that shape or hinder success by not only the difference in the level of opportunity but how that shapes your mindset around success and failure. The main factors that determine success, according to Gladwell, are upbringing, cultural legacy, opportunity, timing, doing meaningful work and effort.
The second book this conversation brought to mind was Grit by Angela Duckworth. What I took away from Duckworth’s studies is this: we aren‘t all born with the same level of grit, but like any muscle, we can make it stronger! She also identified the four characteristics of a truly gritty person, a grit paragon. The first being interest, a curiosity that fuels a deep passion. The second is DELIBERATE practice, which leads to a measurable improvement over time. That’s different than just doing your job. Deliberate practice is working with the intention to learn, grow, push past comfort zones, fail and succeed until it just flows. The third is purpose. A realization that what was once an interest that was practiced repeatedly has now become a calling, integrating passion with values and finding a way to help others or make some difference in the world. And the last characteristic being a growth mindset. Hope is what provides resilience when you fall and need to pick yourself up.
And finally the third book this conversation brought to mind was one I felt I’ve written myself through conversations with clients and friends over the years... Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop. Particularly chapter two, I AM WILLING. A lot of people will talk about how they want more. A bigger home, better car, to be their own boss. But how many are actually willing to work as hard as it takes to get there? Bishop challenges you to be real about what you actually want and need to be happy and what ACTION you are willing to take to achieve that. Then own it and live happily unfu*ked!
Yes, we’re all special in our own way. However, this wasn’t that “acknowledge the uniqueness in us all” kinda talk. As the three books I mentioned discuss, there are certain people worth studying who stand out among the rest. Outliers. Grit paragons. People WILLING to put in the 70 work hours per week to not just survive but to built something much bigger. So when I say someone’s special, this is what I’m referring to. This is the particular type of special I'm interested in, the specific and unique set of characteristics I’ve studied in mentors over the years and the type of people I need working closely with me on my projects. I’m all about being kind to everyone and creating a large community/network, but I also know that my innermost circle can only be comprised of people walking a similar path, who feed my high drive and vice versa. In contrast, someone told me they had made a new friend because they were 'nice'. My first thought was to the complete lack of discernment or low bar setting. Who we choose to exchange energy with is everything. My bar is high and I challenge you to raise yours. To settle for less dilutes our most precious resources- energy and time. They're more valuable than money.
Three things I hope you take from this post today:
1. Add one or more of the aforementioned books to your 2020 reading list!
2. Ponder what makes you special and either accept yourself and the life you’ve created, or work tenaciously to change and grow.
3. Take a look at your discernment factor, the qualities you seek in friends and why!
Your list of qualities can look completely different than mine, but if you don’t know what that list looks like, odds are you don’t have a solid sense of who you are or what you’re seeking in this life experience!
The picture will always be brighter the more you can visualize it and work for it. Trust.